Don't Speak
by Amehana sono hanyou
Summary: A touching songfic to No Doubt's "Don't Speak" on that oh-so-heartbreaking episode of Inu-yasha, Please R&R and mourn with me!


Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-yasha, it belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, nor do I own this song, it belongs to No Doubt. May they both rock on until the end of their days.

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Don't Speak

The firelight burned and flickered, sending its light dancing on the trees and grass in the clearing. The orange and unpredictable pattern of its steps kept on, never wavering, unnoticed to all around who had chosen this spot for the night, and who had brought the fire to life.

They were unaware of its rapid movement and flicks of its graceful flames, but it kept on, only being a fire, unaware of feeling any emotion.

So unlike those it was keeping warm this night.

One noticed, of course. One of them watched the fire's silent song as it danced in its pit, the red and orange hues cast a glow on her light skin, black hair, and white and green alternating uniform.

Kagome stared at the fire, her hazel eyes taking in its rapid movement, and she heard only its crackle and spit as it continued to sear the wood of its logs. Her arms were wrapped around her knees; her legs were drawn up to her chest. All that filled her eyes were the flames, all that occupied her ears were its sounds, and all she could feel was its intense heat as it seared her uncovered skin.

All she knew, all she wanted to know, at this time. It was too hard, too painful to think on anything, because everything would remind her…of that day.

It hadn't been too long ago, only a week…a few days…a year? She didn't know, it was too hard to think about and she was afraid to think about it Time seemed to have lost its value to the girl. 

It had only been a few days…

A few silent days…

Kikyo was there…with Inu-yasha, he got angry, he screamed at the walking-dead priestess that he didn't care _what_ she thought of him now, _he_ was the _only_ one who could protect her from Naraku.

Then, he had advanced on her, pulled her unwillingly into him and held her cold body against his chest. 

At first she fought, then the priestess gave in and held him back…

*It looks as though you're letting go,

And if it's real,

Then I don't want to know* 

Unknown to either of them, Kagome had been watching the whole time, her eyes filled with pain, she felt weak…they looked like they were…in love.

Kagome ripped her eyes from the two, tore her heart away from the man she knew she loved deep in her heart.

The young girl leaned her back against the tree, her body so fragile…  

Unseen to Kagome, Kikyo slipped a knife out of her sleeve, let go of Inu-yasha and put the blade to his neck threateningly.

Inu-yasha's amber eyes widened as he felt the cold and cruel metal against his vulnerable neck…Kikyo could kill him in an instant, right now if she wanted.

But she didn't, a wicked smirk appeared on the undead woman's face, she said a few word: Men are fools. 

She backed away from him, satisfied; now she knew she had _two_ men under her spell. This foolish hanyou would do anything to pay her back for dieing for him in her past life. And Naraku, who still had Onigumo's heart in his knew, stronger body. But, despite his power, that demon lusted after her, just as Inu-yasha did.

So, now she had two hearts to play with, and as sure as the hatred that never left this woman's eyes, she was going to use this to her supreme advantage.

Inu-yasha and Naraku.

To her, they were both the same.

Inu-yasha still called out her name even as her soul-stealing demons wrapped there wispy bodies around her and carried her off to somewhere far away.

Kikyo…Kikyo…he screamed over and over, still clutching that lingering bit of hope, that slightest chance that things could go back to the way they once were, before Naraku had set them against each other.

Before they betrayed each other…

It wouldn't ever be the same, would it?

He could never go back to those times, they were gone, forever. Kikyo would never be the same as she used to be.

And, it hurt to realize, neither would he.

* Our memories,

They can be inviting

But some are all together 

Mighty frightening* 

When Inu-yasha thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.

Kagome slid down the tree trunk a little, catching herself before she hit the cold earth.

The hanyou, of course, heard her; he spun around, his eyes alert at hearing a sound.

But then they softened when Kagome came out of her hiding place behind the tree trunk. So, she had heard everything, seen everything.

The girl looked at him, pain in her eyes and radiating from her pure body language. Her usually so lively hazel eyes, were full of pain but more so: disbelief. 

She couldn't believe what he had done to her, how could he have betrayed her like that?

But…he didn't look away…he had no shame in his eyes, not regret and no remorse, if they were in his heart then he had pushed them away, and given way to hard, unbreakable determination. Kagome could see by the distant yet so close look clouding his usually beautiful golden eyes, he had something to say to her.

Inu-yasha had something to tell her, and Kagome knew exactly what it was: I'm sorry Kagome, but I'm going with Kikyo.

Kagome reached down and grabbed her backpack, in one swift movement she flung it over her shoulder and turned away from him, running as fast as her legs would carry her back to the well, back to her home, the only place where she could go. 

She refused to hear those words.

* Don't speak,

I know just what you're thinking,

I don't need your reasons,

Don't tell me, 'cause it hurts *

The flashback's stopped when Kagome snapped back to reality and forced herself to stop thinking about the past. It was over, and she couldn't go back and change it.

The miko…yes, she was a miko, even if she didn't want to be. And she was, unlike Kikyo; alive, and…that seemed to be a bad thing, Inu-yasha seemed to favor the fact that Kikyo was dead, because she had died for him.

And Kagome couldn't compete with that.

Kikyo had given her life up to be with Inu-yasha.

Therefore, Inu-yasha must repay her, and he could only do that by ending his life, and following Kikyo to hell.

Inu-yasha had made up his mind, he had chosen Kikyo and that was the end of it.

He was going to leave and never return…leave this world and all those he knew…

Leave Kagome.  

* I really feel

that I'm losing my best friend

I can't believe this could be the end*

Once again, Kagome shook the thoughts from her mind, swiftly looking up from the fire to her companions around her.

Sango, Miroku and Shippo were the closest, idly talking or gazing into the forest above.

They were near her, yet, on the other side of the fire not really that close to her. She felt so alone, so completely and utterly alone she knew it would be very easy to burst into tears right about now, but fortunately for her dignity, she didn't. 

And Inu-yasha, without looking, Kagome knew where he was, perched up in a tree somewhere, near enough to step in if something should go wrong and they were attacked, but far enough away that he was alone, away from the others. 

He always _always_ distanced himself from them, as if he didn't want to get close to them, as if he felt superior yet unworthy at the same time, and as if he didn't care how they were feeling, now matter how depressed they were.

And that was how Kagome felt now. 'Inu-yasha…' his name ran threw her mind like a dark ran cloud streaks over a once sun lit sky. 'Where have you gone?'

They were apart, and now, now that he had decided to go to hell with Kikyo, it was even worse. They would never get the chance, to really know each other.

'Was it always like this?'  Where they always so far away from each other? Where they always so…distant? Apart. Like they loathed each other.

And she did, she did because she loved him so deeply and she couldn't stop it. But most of all it hurt because he would never…ever love her back, he only loved Kikyo, and to him she was nothing, a shard detector, not even worthy of being the reincarnation of the woman he once loved.

*You and me, 

We used to be together, 

Every day: together, 

Always*

Looking back to the fire, Kagome's mind played the images of all the times she and Inu-yasha had had together. Just like when she had ran home after seeing him and Kikyo in the woods that night, and all those next days, trying to hide. Trying to postpone going back to Feudal Japan and face Inu-yasha.

She remembered staring idly at the jewel shards as if she couldn't take her eyes off them, holding that cold clear bottle in her hand and thinking. 'I have to give these back to Inu-yasha…but…then I'll never be able to see him again.'

Then unbidden tears would well up in her eyes. Of course, he had made his decision to go with Kikyo; they were breaking up a relationship that had never really gotten started…

'Inu-yasha'

She remembered all the times he protected her…how he had avenged everyone that had ever hurt her…everyone except Kikyo.

'Inu-yasha'

All those times he nice to her, like that night of the New Moon, when he asked to lay his head in her lap, then he told her he had lied about hating her scent…

'Inu-yasha'

They had meet new friends together, Shippo, that cute little demon boy that loved her like his lost mother. Miroku, he was lecherous but he was funny and sweet, and always there to lighten the mood, even if he chose to do it in his own…way. Sango, Kagome had come to know her as the sister she never had, a best friend that was so different from the boy-crazy, gossip-hungry high school girls that Kagome used to think she was so close to.  

 'Inu-yasha'

They had had fun together, he had even told her that! 

When she went home every time it seemed dull compared to her adventures in the Warring States Era…it seemed more like home every time she came back here.

So many memories, so many times they shared, she new this place, she knew this people, she liked this life.

But…

It was all over.  

*It's all ending, 

I gotta stop pretending who we are…

You and me,

I can see us dying, are we? *

Kagome slightly shook her head, and then stood, the others look up at her when they heard her action.

The girl forced an unruly false smile her face. "I'm going to take a walk" she closed her eyes into little arcs of feigned happiness.

She gave a quick wave of her hand. "Don't follow me, okay?"

When she opened her eyes and saw her companions nod, she whirled around on her heals and left to into the forest. Leaving behind her despondent eyes mixed with pity and compassion for their friend who wasn't very good at hiding her emotions.     

Once out of the clearing, Kagome tried her best not walk too fast, lest they hear her swift steps and suspect something is on her mind.

Kagome sighed and stopped when she reached a moon lit pond. 'Why did I run away?' She thought, not much reason…

The young miko looked down to see the body of water she hadn't noticed before, she smiled weakly down at her reflection. "It's said that I'm Kikyo's reincarnation, but I'm nothing like her…we're so different…"

What she had tried so hard to stop before happened. The mirror of her giving the exact same look without comfort blurred as her eyes filled with tears that fell freely from her eyes and tracing darker paths down her light skin. 

"Inu-yasha, it's all over, you going to leave me and that's that so why can't I give it up? Why can't I stop thinking about you?"

She looked up to the cloudy night sky, speaking to no one in particular. She smiled weakly through her tears. "I love you, but you'll never know that, and I want to be with you, I told you that but you'll never care will you?"

Kagome dropped her head and her black bangs covered her eyes. "I wish it could be different…it's got to be more than a coincidence that we met…it can't be like this", her voice merely a whisper.

Inu-yasha sat in the tree not far from where Kagome was breaking down before his eyes. He had gone after her, when he felt her aura leave the others.

He hadn't expected to hear this…

*As we die, both you and I

with my head in my hands

I sit and cry*

Yet Inu-yasha knew it was in her mind, for he felt the same. 

But as quickly as those thoughts had come into his mind he forced them away, he couldn't stay with Kagome…no matter how much he wanted to…

He had to go to hell with Kikyo, that was the only way he could redeem himself and repay her for choosing not to go on with her life so long ago…. 

But still he couldn't leave Kagome like this…

Before he could approve of the idea he jumped from the tree to another one closest to the crying girl. Then with no sound at all he landed at her side.  

She looked up at him and he met those beautiful hazel eyes of hers.

A swirl of emotions took over Kagome as she realized he had heard what she had said, and Inu-yasha could make out all of them.

Kagome looked away, her eyes were so dark, and she couldn't decide if she was happy or sad about her newest arrangement but in reality, she didn't care, she hurt too much to care.

But…how did Inu-yasha feel?

At that she looked back to the hanyou. His amber eyes were dark with pain too; on the inside he did and didn't want to leave her.  

Kikyo was his first love, she had died for him, and he couldn't just abandon her.

But Kagome was the girl who had given him everything; she had somehow gotten him to open up to the world. She had taught him to laugh and to smile…and so many other things…

Didn't he owe her too?

His heart was so heavy and atrociously confused, what could he do but stick to his first decision; after all…he had no other choice…

The world around was still and quiet…the moon shone on the couple as Inu-yasha wrapped his arms around Kagome and held her close, which gave way for new tears from the girl. He gently kissed her hair before holding her warm body tighter to him.

They neither needed nor wanted any words between them, so it was quiet even as Kagome continued to sob into Inu-yasha's robes, letting herself show this weakness in front of him.

*Don't speak,

I know just what you're saying,

So please stop explaining,

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts*

Inu-yasha held her tighter, not wanting to ever let her go, even though he was the one causing her pain, he wanted to be the one to help her out of it.

…But he would never be able to fully help her, not if he left.

Until then he would try, try to compensate for all that the wrongs he had done.   

But it would never end…and he wasn't sure if either of them would ever be happy.

…But his decision to go to Hell with Kikyo was made.

It was over…

So this is the end…

*Don't speak,

I know just what you're saying,

So please stop explaining,

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Don't speak,

I know just what you're thinking,

I don't need your reasons,

Don't tell me, 'cause it hurts

Hush… hush… darling

Hush… hush… darling

Don't speak

Don't speak oh…*

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Amehana: well this just happens to be the longest songfic I've ever written. 

I'm so sorry if I made you depressed, does that mean I'm a good author? …I wouldn't know…

But really, I don't mean to depress you at all, I just want to be heard, and I wrote this after watching this accursed yet wonderful episode, if you haven't seen it, DON'T…or do…its great, but it's horrible…my friend described it as "bitter sweet" which sums it up pretty well. 

And yes, what Kagome was remembering _is_ a real episode, and it really does happen…unfortunately…I think it's number 55 or 57…

*thwacks Inu-yasha* you stupid idiot! How can you be so mean to Kagome-chan!

I don't mean to depress you, and I'm really not a depressing person, on the outside I'm very hyper and ecstatic most of the time.

Gomen-nasai if the format gets messed up on this one, I'm trying my best to figure all this out still!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have horrible self-esteem, please be nice to me and bare in mind that I'm new at this…even though I don't deserve it.

This one was written more seriously than "The Motivation Proclamation" and wasn't near as fluffy or sweet as "Hold On", so if you like the sound of that, then R&R those; they're my other songfics!

One last thing…PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    


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